Have you ever stopped to consider why your relationships have been so difficult throughout your life? Do you wonder why you seem to be the person that has strained relationships? You’re caring, kind, and understanding but there seems to be a disconnect between yourself and others and you can’t figure out why. You never seem to fit in all the way. Or maybe you feel you have to go above and beyond to prove yourself to be a good person, worthy of the love, friendship or acceptance you crave.
One of the main reasons I’ve found that most people have a difficult time in relationships is because of an unhealed relationship to their mother. Like myself, you may be one of these people. On the surface it seems that you and your mother have a good relationship. But did you know even the best mother can leave you with unhealed, unconscious trauma that is an underlying tone throughout every area of your life? It’s true. Your experience with your mother is like the background theme song to your life.
Having a mother wound is very challenging. The mother wound affects your life in one way or another, whether you are conscious of it or not. In the way that mothers are viewed in our society you can feel ashamed to even admit that you have a mother wound. However, in order to have the life you deserve and for it to be fulfilling the first step is acknowledging that you have a mother wound.
I’ve been there and know first hand how it feels to not feel good about yourself. I know how it feels to feel rejection or question if you are good enough. I know what it’s like to over give and over share just to be accepted and liked. And even after doing all of these things still experience hurt, pain and heartache. It’s one of the most self esteem lowering experiences. It can also lead to feelings of frustration, confusion and self doubt. It wasn’t until I began healing and exploring my relationship with my mother that I began to see connections between the relationships in my life and my relationship with my mother.
I started from the beginning and began looking at my mother with a new set of eyes. Although my mother is a good mother growing up we were not close like many of my friends and their mothers. I craved that relationship but that wasn’t our relationship. I often felt I was closer to my friends mothers than to my own. I began seeing how my mothers relationship with her mother shaped how our relationship was. It takes courage, time and patience with self to heal generational traumas and over time I realized my mother didn’t have the time or knowledge of how to do that.
I connected my people pleasing ways to my yearning for acceptance and closeness with my mother. I felt that if I made others happy and continually gave they would accept me and I’d have the close relationships I desired. Please understand that there’s nothing wrong with giving but there is a difference in giving out of the goodness of your heart and giving because you want someone to like you or accept you.
As I began healing how I saw and related to my mother I began to be more compassionate towards her which in turn led to me being more compassionate towards myself. I understood that somethings she did, she did the best she could and the best she knew how to do. My relationship with myself and others drastically improved when I began the healing process. Your relationship with your mother can do the same.
Your mothers thoughts, ways and beliefs are passed down to you whether positively or negatively. The traits and characteristics you pick up from your mother affect every area of your life including your relationships. Friendships are either easy or challenging depending on how your mother treated you and how she views those in her life that she called a friend. Your romantic relationships are deeply modeled after what your mother told you and showed you, you were. You were also influenced by the romantic relationships your mother had in one way or another. Your mothers thoughts and actions towards her partner show up in some way in your romantic relationships.
Because of the mother wound, many adults have self limiting beliefs, consciously or unconsciously instilled in them from a very young age. You may have limited beliefs about love, success, relationships, money, your self image and more. Most of these beliefs were not intentionally meant to harm you or limit you in life but they did in some way. If this is you do not be discouraged, the limiting beliefs can be revealed and healed.
If you really take the time to evaluate your relationship with your mother, versus the relationship you have with others you will see how deeply the mother wound runs in your life. This affects you whether you are male or female. Do you go out of your way to make others happy while neglecting your own needs? This could be a sign that you never felt good enough in your mothers eyes and would do anything to make her happy. That is a mother wound.
Do you feel that no one will accept you no matter how hard you try? That’s another way you may be unconsciously or consciously experiencing a mother wound.
Some wounds are not obvious. They are deeply embedded in your psyche and need assistance being brought to the surface. These types of wounds require visualization techniques in order to be seen and healed. I talk more about this in my audio class, Healing the Mother Wound.
The good news is that you have the power to change your relationship dynamics no matter what you experienced with your mother. When you make a definite decision to heal you will begin to uncover layers of experiences that are waiting for you to recognize them, heal from them and release them so that you can finally have the relationships you deserve.
You will begin to see patterns in how you related to your mother and the same patterns in how you relate to others. You will begin to connect to yourself in a different way. One of the most healing aspects of any healing work, especially healing the mother wound is the love and acceptance you experience with yourself.
When you begin healing your mother wound you will free up space in your mind so that you can create a new experience in every area of your life, including your relationships.
Affirmations to begin the relationship healing process
- The relationships in my life are loving and fulfilling.
- I attract people in my life that are add to my the happiness, joy and peace I have inside of me.
Journal prompts for deeper discovery
- What did your mother teach you about relationships with others? How has this shown up in your life?
- How did you mother feel about herself? Do you model any of the same thoughts, beliefs or actions?
I want you to know that healing the mother wound is one of the most important areas of your life that you can heal. You will experience a range of emotions while doing this work but it’s worth it. When you heal your mother wound you heal yourself and you the generations before you and those to come. You were chosen to do this.
For help healing your mother wound, I highly suggest you listen to my class, Healing The Mother Wound. This class will walk you step by step through the journey of healing one of the most important relationships in your life. You can get the class here.
Thank you so much for reading. I wish you all of the success, love and peace that you can handle.
Love,
Ashley
